Turn Towards Your Partner

2 Minute read  |  Relationships  |  23.01.2026

"Hey, I saw a cool bird today!"

In the Gottman Method, lasting love isn't about grand gestures; it’s about "Bids for Connection." A bid is any attempt from your partner to engage with you, gain your attention or input. The secret to lasting love lies in how we handle the tiniest moments of everyday life.

Every time your partner makes a bid, they are essentially asking: "Do you see me? Do I matter to you? Are we okay?"

When your partner makes a bid, you have a choice: Turn Towards (acknowledge them) or Turn Away (ignore or dismiss them).

 Why It Matters

Think of your relationship as having an "Emotional Bank Account." Every time you turn towards your partner’s bid, you are making a deposit into that account. You are building a reserve of trust, safety, and friendship.

When you consistently turn away—ignoring or dismissing their bids—you are making withdrawals. Over time, a relationship with too many withdrawals becomes bankrupt. The partners feel lonely, unheard, and eventually stop trying to connect altogether.

Gottman’s research is clear on this point: Happy couples turn towards each other’s bids about 86% of the time. Couples destined for divorce only do it about 33% of the time.

An Example

• The Bid: Your partner looks out the window watching the heavy rain and comments "Gee, I hope the yard doesn't flood again!"

• Turning Away: You stay on your laptop and say nothing. They feel alone in their stress.

• Turning Towards: You look up and say, "For sure, that was such a pain wasn't it!" They feel like you’re a team.

The Takeaway

You don’t have to be perfect, and you don't have to be deeply engaged in every single comment your partner makes. But the goal is to notice the attempts, more often than not if you want a healthy emotional bank balance!

Start paying attention to the small ways your partner reaches out for connection today. When you see a bid, try to meet it with a nod, a smile, or a few words. Those tiny turns lead to massive changes in relationship happiness.